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I don’t get it. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe this is my karma for whatever wrong I’ve done to the people I’ve encountered.

It is impossible to feel anything different from what you’re feeling and that hurts me because in my eyes, I don’t even see the slightest attempt of understanding - I see the inside of you giving up on me, the life I live, and the way I live it. I am so ashamed of who I am and that’s wrong. I accept my own defeat. I lost a battle against myself. I made choices based solely on how to stretch my time with you rather than what is best for me, what is best for you, then what is for us. I strayed from my path to walk behind you on yours. I don’t blame you, there were choices made, choices made by me alone.

I admit to being jealous, selfish, and careless with my words and actions and for that I sincerely apologize. With a heavy heart, I am very sorry. I know that I am not at fault alone, but I’m not writing this to point out each other’s wrongs, I want to tell you in words that I am up to my head with faults but I am drenched in apologizes for my lack of understanding, words of encouragement, and many others. I don’t need a list of my imperfections because I am starting to embrace them for my own acceptance.

I should know myself enough to let someone love me but I don’t and I am almost sure you haven’t figured yourself out yet either. We are two uncompleted puzzles mixing in with each other, forcing two incorrect pieces together.

I let go of everything so quickly without thinking twice. I lived your life more often than I lived my own and so now I am left with nothing.

18

Now I sit all alone
wishing all my feelings were gone

I gave my best to you,
nothing for me to do
but have one last cry, one last cry
before I leave it all behind

I gotta put you out of my mind
This time stop living a lie

I guess I’m down to my last cry

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